[06 March] -> Like there are the days every now and then wen u really feel down and out.. which in more understandable terms can be called feeling all fuked up! Today is such a day for me. As a kid we were taught fairy tales in kindergarten. I tell u . .those shud be baned now!! they always began with “long long ago” and always ended with “and they lived happily ever after”. U shudn do such gross injustice to kids. They tend to believe that life is goin to be like a fairy tale for them as well after reading such shit. They shud read stories like, “long long ago there lived a lady called rapunzel with really long hair. Her boyfriend dumped her n then she shaved off her hair in agony and committed suicide and went to hell”. That’s what they should read. .and once they get to a level where they know that what they have been reading is true n all, they can be given the original fairy tales to read at home.. just to know what their dads and moms read as kids and why they are so fukd up now.
M just wondering what Is it that actually makes us happy in life? For me its not money.. and obviously I am lying wen I say that! See.. for me its being able to say that I don want money and being able to pull it off with a straight face and also have loads of cash in my bank account would amount to happiness. But I cant do it now. I would also love to become a big shot someday and write an autobiography of my own. Like some very famous hot shots do it these days. Its very “now”… apparently. But let me tell u something… y the fuk din these hot shots bother to write an autobiography when they were not such hot shots?? Lets try analyzing the reasons:
1) they were not famous so no one would buy their books -> so they are writing their autobiographies just so that ppl read them?
2) they din have the balls to write an autobiography earlier n say that they fukd their secretaries or doped wen they were 17. they do it now. .cos they are hot shots and ppl wud now appreciate that they did all that n yet overcame such "moral failures" to make it big in life.. yeah.. moral failures.. that’s what they might like to call it. ( any resemblance to any other autobiography is purely coincidental here as I am just imagining .. n I write this disclaimer as this is something that I think wud feature in all autobiographies! ) I have never been an avid reader of books.. forget abt autobiographies. I have enuf n more crap in my life to be reading abt someone else’s shit!
But yeah.. I want to write an autobiography wen I am famous exactly because of the two reasons stated above! I want to generate some revenue for myself and I don’t have the balls to admit some shit now that I would readily do if I got into a position where I can comfortably call it a moral failure that I overcame! ( no… I have not had any secretaries in my life yet).
Anyways… so coming back to the point. Its not money . .so wot is it then? Now a very genuine and honest answer would be, “I don’t know” … n an even more honest and genuine answer would be, “I fukn don know.. n how the fuk does it matter to u?? go rot in hell”
[08/march] -> M better today.. much better. i wrote all crap yday.
Yeah.. it’s all about money.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
MADE IN PAKISTAN....
I was just going through the evidence dossier that India has given to Pakistan (http://www.hindu.com/nic/dossier.htm) to urge it to speed up it’s investigation process, if any, and hand over the guilty to us. In the second annexure of the first section of the dossier were the list of evidences that were recovered from Kasab and their pics. One thing that was striking there was that all the products recovered from that guy… I mean all… were “made in Pakistan” u could just check out the dossier yourself and you would know what I am talking about. Bermuda, spray paints, shaving cream, brushes, tissue paper.. everything. .”made in Pakistan”. Get the forensics..do a DNA test.. mayb even that would have a “made in Pakistan” tag on it somewhere. (that wud be SOME evidence!) I guess they wud never be able to catch an Indian terrorist in that case, cos we always have products that say, “made in China” or “made in USA”. ppl wud have a tuf time framing our guys if they try looking for such evidences!! Everything would then direct to the USA or China.. or if it’s a low esteemed terrorist.. maybe Bangladesh! We hardly use “made in India” stuff man! It’s pathetic.. but kinda true. C’mon what does ur shirt say now?? At least these terrorists are patriotic in that sense.. ..
But there is one thing that strikes me with all this investigation that is going and that is… if at all the ISI was involved in the Mumbai attacks, would they have not taken care of such petty things as asking their guys to use other stuff and conceal their identities?? After all they are the “inter services intelligence”!! we know they have the intelligence to do a lotta stuff!!!.... wudn they have the intelligence to take care of such petty things? India, with all the evidences gathered is sure that the terrorists were Pakistanis and maybe even the ISI had a role to play. But then we haven’t done much about it yet. It took our ppl more than a month to hold a conference of chief ministers on internal security… the anti-terror laws that are passed are already being vigorously opposed by ppl like Narendra Modi (wr the fuk is Karan Thapar??), certain NGO’s seem to be voicing concerns over Kasab and there have been a whole lot of talks that have gone in between our ministers and several other “mediating”countries. Yet, not one productive result.. yet! Diplomatic stances have been taken and investigation has also been conducted by several foreign bodies mainly bcos there is atleast one person in the annexure of the dossier who happens to be that country’s national and was a victim of the attack. Our PM, yday, has finally come up with some strong words and pointed directly at our neighbour accusing it of using terrorism as an instrument od state policy. That sounded positive intent.. just hope that he backs it up with some action.
But one still wonders, should it really be so difficult to bring the perpetrators to justice when we have all the evidences gathered. Apparently, rolling stones have started to gather a whole lot of moss these days!!! It’s funny ‘cos back in the day, I had heard they don’t.
I don’t remember America haven done so much talking after the 9/11 attacks as they seem to be doing here in our case. Pakistan says that it doesn’t have extradition treaties with India as it does with America and so it cannot hand over the terrorists wanted by India!! I do not think terrorists belong to any nation.. they are just fukn terrorists who ain’t belong to shit! I fail to understand y Pakistan is in love with these people and is trying to protect them by maintaining such fukd up diplomatic stances on the face of such a global threat. If she has control over these people, as it claims to, then why not just hand them over to the people who have been victimized by their heinous acts. Perpetrators of peace and international relations need not be taken care of as if they were responsible citizens of a particular nation. Ok.. mayb.. Zakiur Rahman Lakhvi wears stuff that are “made in Pakistan” and drinks milk packaged in Pakistan, but does that mean that she should defend him as if he were a prized possession of the nation.. or is he??
Friday, January 2, 2009
I DON’T KNOW.. ASSORTMENT??!!
THEY should have named ghajini as post-it! or atleast post-it notes shud have been the official and exclusive sponsor of this movie!! I swear to god i feel that post-it would win the market share (which I feel it already does) by replacing the fluorescent pages with a muscular cut out of aamir’s body as it is in ghajini… jus imagine a husband comin home tired after a long day’s work n he finds the ghajini post it on the dressing mirror that says, “m in the bath honey… get ready”.. n to add to it aamir’s fierce look wud be starin down his throat like, “u better remember to hump her tonite dude!!”
Anyways… m posting blogs, after like 30 yrs or smthing, so I wud need a ghajini post it of my own from now I guess. I din find the time or enthu for the past few months and once wen I was having a discussion, some “wise ass” once told me that blogging might spread extreme views and shud not be allowed!! It’s not that I fukn post blogs that are titled, “December 25… REMEMBER” n then a gang of hoodlums raid some random outlet with a pair of hand grenades on dec 25~!
This 26/11 has really caught on .. as in… if it was not for this terrorist attack, I think even the media business would have been hit by the recession! …. Or rather I shud say the entertainment business! Aaj tak is definitely kind of entertainment and they shud rename it to “ATE” or something.. (just like WWE). .aaj tak entertainment… as in ATE -> that’s what we did to your emotions! (ok.. someone just pick this up n add it to the mailchain of the worst PJ’s ever!!! ;-P). I was watchin the movie ‘mumbai meri jaan’ and they just proved my point in that.. or rather I am elaborating on theirs.
Media s all fukd up now.. .they try to derive an entertainment factor out of practically everything that they can lay their hands on. They have started advertising the evnts, rather than give news. There was this 17 yr old kid who was shot dead the other day for having tried to escape the police and climbed onto the roof a high ranking cop’s house. A cupl of reasons that the media gave as to y the police thot that he was a terrorist were really disturbing! I really don’t want to name out instances to substantiate on that ‘cos they mite be what I feel and some of you mite interpret it in a different sense and then the “wise ass” would, all of a sudden, sound true! Media hype is giving undue importance to a lot of ppl who suddenly think they are next to Obama in the list of “most influential and famous ppl on planet earth” and start forgetting what they are actually supposed to be doing! Sania Mirza ia a ‘category A’ example of that and Saina Nehwal is a potential successor to that throne. For politicians, it’s like they have lost out on all fronts and are looking out for such media glorification to regain some “never had” pride. I forgot the name of that jackass who came on TV a few days back makin some kinda remarks and finally apologized after a week by taking a “U-turn” from his comments. “I am on TV today and will stay there for the rest of the week”, that’s what he wud have probably happily told his wife at home.. desperately wishing that he sees an aamir khan post-it on the dressing mirror the next day he comes back from the parliament house! He probably never saw that post-it and hence the U-turn! Fukn politicians.. hehe!
Nevertheless, ppl seem to be living all the shit goin arnd ( courtesy our media ) and no one capable of doin smthin is really doin anything abt it… It was all hyped up a couple of weeks back on TV when they used to have debates and discussions in the news channels saying, ”this is the big fukn voice of India.. n this is goin to make all the difference” and all... all I see now on TV is the news abt India’s rise to the top three positions of world cricket. Some overgrown public gets paid to come on TV and go around the world, eating and drinking all kinds of exotic stuff and tell u that it’s AWESOME!! .. as if that’s news!! N of course a lot of attention is also being grabbed by the release of a few blockbusters and the cold war that is goin arnd in Bollywood among our three khans. Am just surprised that the big Stud from Maharashtra is still not back to his services…. Let’s go n get some govt jobs in Bombay guys… we’ll get paid by some news channel fr that .. I am sure! They wud get enuf shit for atleast a month, videotaping us getting whacked arnd and the cash, if any, would go to our our parents and spouses..… and could probably be used for an expensive cremation for us.
Agitation among ppl seem to be the same thing as aamir khan’s memory in Ghajini. Any of us cud have acted in Ghajini I guess.. just needed a six step ab for Asin to drool over and… Voila!!
Anyways… m posting blogs, after like 30 yrs or smthing, so I wud need a ghajini post it of my own from now I guess. I din find the time or enthu for the past few months and once wen I was having a discussion, some “wise ass” once told me that blogging might spread extreme views and shud not be allowed!! It’s not that I fukn post blogs that are titled, “December 25… REMEMBER” n then a gang of hoodlums raid some random outlet with a pair of hand grenades on dec 25~!
This 26/11 has really caught on .. as in… if it was not for this terrorist attack, I think even the media business would have been hit by the recession! …. Or rather I shud say the entertainment business! Aaj tak is definitely kind of entertainment and they shud rename it to “ATE” or something.. (just like WWE). .aaj tak entertainment… as in ATE -> that’s what we did to your emotions! (ok.. someone just pick this up n add it to the mailchain of the worst PJ’s ever!!! ;-P). I was watchin the movie ‘mumbai meri jaan’ and they just proved my point in that.. or rather I am elaborating on theirs.
Media s all fukd up now.. .they try to derive an entertainment factor out of practically everything that they can lay their hands on. They have started advertising the evnts, rather than give news. There was this 17 yr old kid who was shot dead the other day for having tried to escape the police and climbed onto the roof a high ranking cop’s house. A cupl of reasons that the media gave as to y the police thot that he was a terrorist were really disturbing! I really don’t want to name out instances to substantiate on that ‘cos they mite be what I feel and some of you mite interpret it in a different sense and then the “wise ass” would, all of a sudden, sound true! Media hype is giving undue importance to a lot of ppl who suddenly think they are next to Obama in the list of “most influential and famous ppl on planet earth” and start forgetting what they are actually supposed to be doing! Sania Mirza ia a ‘category A’ example of that and Saina Nehwal is a potential successor to that throne. For politicians, it’s like they have lost out on all fronts and are looking out for such media glorification to regain some “never had” pride. I forgot the name of that jackass who came on TV a few days back makin some kinda remarks and finally apologized after a week by taking a “U-turn” from his comments. “I am on TV today and will stay there for the rest of the week”, that’s what he wud have probably happily told his wife at home.. desperately wishing that he sees an aamir khan post-it on the dressing mirror the next day he comes back from the parliament house! He probably never saw that post-it and hence the U-turn! Fukn politicians.. hehe!
Nevertheless, ppl seem to be living all the shit goin arnd ( courtesy our media ) and no one capable of doin smthin is really doin anything abt it… It was all hyped up a couple of weeks back on TV when they used to have debates and discussions in the news channels saying, ”this is the big fukn voice of India.. n this is goin to make all the difference” and all... all I see now on TV is the news abt India’s rise to the top three positions of world cricket. Some overgrown public gets paid to come on TV and go around the world, eating and drinking all kinds of exotic stuff and tell u that it’s AWESOME!! .. as if that’s news!! N of course a lot of attention is also being grabbed by the release of a few blockbusters and the cold war that is goin arnd in Bollywood among our three khans. Am just surprised that the big Stud from Maharashtra is still not back to his services…. Let’s go n get some govt jobs in Bombay guys… we’ll get paid by some news channel fr that .. I am sure! They wud get enuf shit for atleast a month, videotaping us getting whacked arnd and the cash, if any, would go to our our parents and spouses..… and could probably be used for an expensive cremation for us.
Agitation among ppl seem to be the same thing as aamir khan’s memory in Ghajini. Any of us cud have acted in Ghajini I guess.. just needed a six step ab for Asin to drool over and… Voila!!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
How to make a word potent…. Anyone??
Happy new year folks…!! Hope u have a wonderful year ahead of you.
For me this one’s goin to pretty much define my path n I wud know that in 9 days from now. i am not assuming anything now. .we all know assumption is the mother of all fuk ups! Nevertheless.. if everything gets messed up, I am goin to become a roadie.. I don give a shit!
Anyways.. really long time since I have been here.. 2008 was a great and interesting year but no blogs to prove that point and 2009 starts off with one on day one. .that’s because this is about something that I just cannot not mention! J so here goes…
Today morning I was a the canteen to get myself a juice to help me out with my diet and I happened to observe a couple of ladies, beside me in the queue, speakin in english. Apparently one f them had not brought some cash that she was supposed to have and the other one was not very appreciative of that fact. So as an alibi for that, the first one went, “yday was salary da na, so there was a loooooooooooooooooooooong line at the ATM”.
Let me tell you…The long was very long indeed! At one point of that long, I started to get the feeling that she wanted to make her friend listen to that long for almost as much time as she had waited there in that queue!! She herself seemd to be in a lot of pain, cos she made the mule face, shut her eyes tight, tilted her head backwards n did what not to pronounce it!!! I knew immediately that the queue would have been excruciatingly painful. But still, the loooooooooooooooong just din fit in!
I was like.. don’t they have a shorter word called “very” that conveys almost the same emotion? It might not be as long as loooooooooooooooong but still she shud start using the substitute. Obviously for that lady, looooooooooooooooong is definitely longer .. much much longer than very long!!
But the fact is, it is the case with almost all of us, especially our women! They kinda think it makes the word impotent unless u stretch it.. n they obviously don seem to like it that way! ‘cos in reply to that, the second lady went, “I know…. it’s sometimes sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo irritating”!!!!
oh fuk yeah, “it was!!”
anyways.. have a wonnnnnnnnnnnnderful new year ladies.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
my first day at work
The day i recieved my call letter, i was extremely relieved, cos it took quite some time to come.. as if Wipro had, at some time, even forgotten that they had hired me! Nevertheless.. all was fine now and i reached chennai on the 15th of this month, well in advance of the day when i had to report, that being the 20th. but i also had to attend a marriage and a reception the very same weekend that i came here, which was very painful because there was nobody of my age whom i knew there and i swear by the bible (or the bhagvad gita, in my case) that i am very bad at socialising!!! sometimes i even wonder y do ppl even have to make such a big fuss out of their marriages by inviting so many ppl 'cos, trust me, more than half of them come only to eat! get married, go home, celebrate with ur loved ones and go to bed.. thats enuf i guess. nw plz don tell me that all the ppl at the marriage r LOVED ONES!! its probably more of an obligation to invite i guess. it jus doesn make sense to me and probably this ignorance is reason enuf y m so bad at what ppl call as SOCIALISING!anyways, i ended up surviving the weekend cos i happened to meet some of my uncles after quite some time and of course the groom who is a distant cousin of mine and that was the only good part cos there were verrrrry few ppl whom i recognized at the marraige. i had to face loads of "do u remember me dear? how would u.. u were a small baby wen i last saw u" stuff. n they told each other,"look how big he s become!"..as if kids here are stalled from growth.anyways..then i had to go to my college to collect my certificates and the 18th was spent in searchin for a home which is still goin on by the way! the 19th, as i had thought and decided, was spent almost entirely on putting all my certificates in order, gettin the neccessary photocopies, and filing them all up. don't be surprised 'cos i actually DID take almost the entire day doin this and was as meticulous as possible 'cos i jus DID NOT want anything to go wrong on day one at work! evening i was thinking of what to wear the next day 'cos mom had very strictly asked me to be presentable, at least on day one! i thought and did all the permutations.. finally comin up with a grey t-shirt and a blue jeans. "that looked presentable enough", i thought to myself. but wen i told god(my friend, bro, ethical advisor, current roomie.. anything) abt my dressing plans they got changed in 2 seconds! i won't even bother tellin abt wot i finnaly decided to wear 'cos it was extremely formal and even the thought of it makes me claustrophobic. GOD alone knows how i wore it the next day cos,trust me, god did not know else he wouldn have asked me to wear it! after that we had a small tandoori fest at dinner, watched yuvraj hit stuart broad for 6 sixes in an over and i did not even watch england bat 'cos i went to bed early as i had to wake up early next day and leave on time to reach wipro in Shollinganalur at 9 a.m.
it was 7 a.m on the 20th wen my alarm rang me awake. i was not really hyper excited or anything but it was just the normal boost of energy that u have wen u happen to be goin to a new place and u realize that its important. well, i shaved off my little goatie if that is any indication of how important the day was to me. it takes a good couple of weeks to grow and as i shaved the goatie off my chin i realized that i will not be seeing "him" for a long time to come unless i got to work for paris hilton! anyways.. i must admit i was pretty cool and not gettin workep up about the whole "first day at work" fever that normally catches on people and even god was impressed, tho' he din say it to me. well, i had to report at 9 a.m so i left home by 8.15 and i have never been one to reach a place well in advance to have spare time 'cos i never felt it was neccessary! if u have not done ur work till then how will the spare time help u out?!! being on time was jus perfect for me and i obviously couldn afford gettin late on day one! however i reached the office gates by 8.40 and was jus wondering if i should go in now or have a cup of tea from the vendor outside and wait till 9, but i decided against it. i walked into the office, all dressed up lke my cousin who got married a week back as i looked at some other employees havin id cards around their necks the way pets r differentiated from the stray dogs, realizing that i was also goin to be one of them in some more time to come! it's ok, i thought, 'cos, here, pets are paid! i held a file which contained all the essentials that they had asked me to bring along on the day of reporting. i was just a bit weary 'cos the scenario was not as expected. there were not many freshers waiting to report and i seemed to be the only jackass in the building with a file and not knowing what to do!were they calling ppl early cos they take it for granted that we will be late.. knowing it for a fact that after all we were engineers! i decided to wait n see if i could see anybody with the same issues as i but seeing no one, i went up to the receptionist and asked, "ma'am, i know i am a bit early but i was supposed to report today at 9 a.m, so could u please help me out by tellin whom i should be meeting for the same?" she looked up at me, as if i had disturbed her in a meeting where she was negotiating a multi-illion dollar business deal with bill gates, and she said, "u were supposed to report today?". i mean how stupid was she? i spoke in english, right? i did not say that aloud and said "yes" to which she asked me to wait for a moment and did something on the computer in front of her and said, "i am sorry, u must be mistaken but u are supposed to report not here in shollinganalur, but in guindy at 9a.m" i jus wished for a second that some huge meteor hit the earth and the world came to an end!! it would be just fine even if the meteor directly hit me and only i came to an end! BUT I WANTED AN END FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!!! it was 8.50 and i had spare time for the first time ever which as i always beleived was of no help cos the guindy office was atleast an hour from where i was and it was all the more difficult during office hours!!the day was off to a rocking start already and i flew as fast as i could to the other office and yet i reached not before it was 10:20 a.m.i signed at the gate and was directed to the mezzanine floor by the receptionist who stared at me like i had flown in from planet jupiter when i said that i was suposed to report there at 8:30! nevertheless i rushed to the hall upstairs only to find some of my college mates laughin away at some joke that some smart ass had just cracked. y do these ass 'ol's ever crack jokes at the wrong time?? they suddenly looked at me rushing toward the hall and one of them said, "hey vinod, we thought u were not joining.... dude.. this s not college man. do u know u r late here too??!!" "oh really? i thought i had time to spare.. was jus tryin to loose some fat!!", said i as i stormed into the hall where the lady addressing the freshers jus proved that females think alike and gave me the same receptionist look! i told her that i m sorry and tried to explain as the rest of the newies looked on in astonishment 'cos not only was i late but i was now holding up the presentation as the nice generous lady decided to spare a few minutes for me so that i could fill up all the neccessay forms and complete the documents verification process that had been goin on for so long. just as i finished the process, i thought to myself, "this s all they were doin here for the past one n a half hour!! y did i not take a nap b4 entering?" anyways... my being late was almost being forgiven wen the female asked me for my appointment letter that was apparently missing in my file.. and wen she did ask, i jus felt that a single meteor would not do the trick!! i should have had an explosive in my file as well that could have blown up automatically whenever i was in THAT kinda situation. well, and almost immediately as i was trying to figure out what had happened to the second letter that was apparently supposed to be with me, my cell phone rang ALOUD! AND ALOUD IT WAS!! it was just a message but the tune sounded like a death knell to me! the lady looked at me in utter disbelief and i jus felt that somewhere within........ really somewhere deep deep deep within she had to have felt for me and my rotten luck, if she was human. thankfully she figured out that the other letter was not supposed to be with me as my colege had sent it to wipro automatically but then she did gimme the "switch off ur mobile within the premises look!" i gave her the "yeah, m sorry but GOD probably wanted to have some fun and so he created me for THIS particular day" look. As i took my seat in the last rows of the hall, i took out my cell to switch it off and happened to check my message. it was delivered 3 hrs late.. screw airtel for that! it was from dad and it read, " ur first day at work joe, so here s wishing u all the best. hope u have a nice day." well, dad, u son s not worth a shit s all that i wanted to reply and i switched it off.probably the wishes from dad worked as the rest of the day went off ok and quite a few ppl came up to me and asked y i was late and wot had happened. " just outta college guys.. gimme some time to get this working." a few of them even asked me y i hadn't call them up to find out about he reporting details if i wasn't sure. but who cared now!it was quite a long day and the same female, who started off the day, finished the final session by sayin that we all meet on the 24th at 9 am. and wen she said that, she made it a point to look towards the last row at me and say "sharp" as i saw a few heads turn backwards and wondered what lay in store for me on day two at work.....
it was 7 a.m on the 20th wen my alarm rang me awake. i was not really hyper excited or anything but it was just the normal boost of energy that u have wen u happen to be goin to a new place and u realize that its important. well, i shaved off my little goatie if that is any indication of how important the day was to me. it takes a good couple of weeks to grow and as i shaved the goatie off my chin i realized that i will not be seeing "him" for a long time to come unless i got to work for paris hilton! anyways.. i must admit i was pretty cool and not gettin workep up about the whole "first day at work" fever that normally catches on people and even god was impressed, tho' he din say it to me. well, i had to report at 9 a.m so i left home by 8.15 and i have never been one to reach a place well in advance to have spare time 'cos i never felt it was neccessary! if u have not done ur work till then how will the spare time help u out?!! being on time was jus perfect for me and i obviously couldn afford gettin late on day one! however i reached the office gates by 8.40 and was jus wondering if i should go in now or have a cup of tea from the vendor outside and wait till 9, but i decided against it. i walked into the office, all dressed up lke my cousin who got married a week back as i looked at some other employees havin id cards around their necks the way pets r differentiated from the stray dogs, realizing that i was also goin to be one of them in some more time to come! it's ok, i thought, 'cos, here, pets are paid! i held a file which contained all the essentials that they had asked me to bring along on the day of reporting. i was just a bit weary 'cos the scenario was not as expected. there were not many freshers waiting to report and i seemed to be the only jackass in the building with a file and not knowing what to do!were they calling ppl early cos they take it for granted that we will be late.. knowing it for a fact that after all we were engineers! i decided to wait n see if i could see anybody with the same issues as i but seeing no one, i went up to the receptionist and asked, "ma'am, i know i am a bit early but i was supposed to report today at 9 a.m, so could u please help me out by tellin whom i should be meeting for the same?" she looked up at me, as if i had disturbed her in a meeting where she was negotiating a multi-illion dollar business deal with bill gates, and she said, "u were supposed to report today?". i mean how stupid was she? i spoke in english, right? i did not say that aloud and said "yes" to which she asked me to wait for a moment and did something on the computer in front of her and said, "i am sorry, u must be mistaken but u are supposed to report not here in shollinganalur, but in guindy at 9a.m" i jus wished for a second that some huge meteor hit the earth and the world came to an end!! it would be just fine even if the meteor directly hit me and only i came to an end! BUT I WANTED AN END FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!!!!! it was 8.50 and i had spare time for the first time ever which as i always beleived was of no help cos the guindy office was atleast an hour from where i was and it was all the more difficult during office hours!!the day was off to a rocking start already and i flew as fast as i could to the other office and yet i reached not before it was 10:20 a.m.i signed at the gate and was directed to the mezzanine floor by the receptionist who stared at me like i had flown in from planet jupiter when i said that i was suposed to report there at 8:30! nevertheless i rushed to the hall upstairs only to find some of my college mates laughin away at some joke that some smart ass had just cracked. y do these ass 'ol's ever crack jokes at the wrong time?? they suddenly looked at me rushing toward the hall and one of them said, "hey vinod, we thought u were not joining.... dude.. this s not college man. do u know u r late here too??!!" "oh really? i thought i had time to spare.. was jus tryin to loose some fat!!", said i as i stormed into the hall where the lady addressing the freshers jus proved that females think alike and gave me the same receptionist look! i told her that i m sorry and tried to explain as the rest of the newies looked on in astonishment 'cos not only was i late but i was now holding up the presentation as the nice generous lady decided to spare a few minutes for me so that i could fill up all the neccessay forms and complete the documents verification process that had been goin on for so long. just as i finished the process, i thought to myself, "this s all they were doin here for the past one n a half hour!! y did i not take a nap b4 entering?" anyways... my being late was almost being forgiven wen the female asked me for my appointment letter that was apparently missing in my file.. and wen she did ask, i jus felt that a single meteor would not do the trick!! i should have had an explosive in my file as well that could have blown up automatically whenever i was in THAT kinda situation. well, and almost immediately as i was trying to figure out what had happened to the second letter that was apparently supposed to be with me, my cell phone rang ALOUD! AND ALOUD IT WAS!! it was just a message but the tune sounded like a death knell to me! the lady looked at me in utter disbelief and i jus felt that somewhere within........ really somewhere deep deep deep within she had to have felt for me and my rotten luck, if she was human. thankfully she figured out that the other letter was not supposed to be with me as my colege had sent it to wipro automatically but then she did gimme the "switch off ur mobile within the premises look!" i gave her the "yeah, m sorry but GOD probably wanted to have some fun and so he created me for THIS particular day" look. As i took my seat in the last rows of the hall, i took out my cell to switch it off and happened to check my message. it was delivered 3 hrs late.. screw airtel for that! it was from dad and it read, " ur first day at work joe, so here s wishing u all the best. hope u have a nice day." well, dad, u son s not worth a shit s all that i wanted to reply and i switched it off.probably the wishes from dad worked as the rest of the day went off ok and quite a few ppl came up to me and asked y i was late and wot had happened. " just outta college guys.. gimme some time to get this working." a few of them even asked me y i hadn't call them up to find out about he reporting details if i wasn't sure. but who cared now!it was quite a long day and the same female, who started off the day, finished the final session by sayin that we all meet on the 24th at 9 am. and wen she said that, she made it a point to look towards the last row at me and say "sharp" as i saw a few heads turn backwards and wondered what lay in store for me on day two at work.....
Sunday, August 26, 2007
HUM CHLOROMINT KYON KHAATEN HAI???
U must be blind if u haven't figured out the answer yet!! (taaki ghar me danda na khaayen).. that would be "THE" answer to the million dollar question....
so.. here goes the story ( which happens to be true! )....
MY FIRST "REAL" FAG......
i had fagged quite a few times b4 yday but had really never understood the aura that went arnd the ..so called .. "pleasure" that ppl derived out of it..... however.. NOW.. i do.. :)
i must thank two ppl for this... sneha and jai..
well.. sneha actually had nothin to do with this.. she jus happened to introduce me to this guy sellin momo's for 10 bucks which meant that i cud nw save upto 40 bucks by nt goin to momo plaza..
however..the culprit of the show happens to be jai who taught me what to do with the 40 that i save!!
jai n i happened to go out yday to a hell of a lot of places. he needed to buy a nice pair of shoes and we happened to be more miserable than gals.. cos we spent the entire afternoon searchin n ended up buyin none... (at least gals can buy a button in that time!! n i can testify!!!) neways.. we endd up doin a whole lot of walkin cos he did buy some pants for himself and finally we came to the momo guy and trust me... we were dead thirsty! we hogged on the momos and followed it up with two bottles each of chilled... really chilled thums up. it was AWESOME.. to say the least!!!! i guess all of u can relate to this.... u feel the chillness of the drink goin down ur throat wen u r really thirsty.. and if u don.. "go to hell"
if u r still on earth .. read along....
it all happened after the drink... ... ... both of us bought a classic for ourselves and he promised me that this wud be the best time to fag (after a satisfyin hog!). we sat outside elgin's metro, and with the cool breeze that we r so accustomed to from the metros, soothing us, i lit the cigarette. With my first puff (that went thru my mouth and part of t came out thru the nostrils.... the rest disappeared smwhere inside.. god.. i wished i was a biology guy so that i cud ve xplained that phenomenon better!!) it felt as if somebody jus took away the entire load of all the food and had releived me off all the strain that i had undergone the entire day walking.. and the wind from the metro, as it hit my face, refreshing as it was and takin away the tiny beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead, was like makin me fly without wings and feel that smbody was givin me a gentle mid-air massage. If u r a regular fagger.. i guess u wud accept and understand what i felt that time and would also forgive me for my miserable inability to put it in the right words.
jai.. the miserable fuck!!! he jus gave me a poisonous medicine...!
but i was ready to forgive him.. cos i felt like God.. nt 'cos i was ridin an avenger.. but 'cos i held a classic b/w ma fingers!
well.. after we finished our fags he bought a couple of chloromints for each of us...
I : isse kya hoga?
HE : badboo nahi marega be...
I : acha.. isse badboo ka prob solved??
HE : mooh se to nahi aayega badboo..
i was dead surprised and stunned at that!!! OKKAY!!! WR ELSE DOES T COME FROM THEN??
HE : (laughs) abbey nahi.. shirt se to aata hi hai.
for a second i felt they shud advertise.... buy a couple of chloromints and get a sachet of ariel.. free!
nevertheless... i popped the mints and was ready to go home.
To the faggin fraternity.. here i come......................
CHEERS TO NICOTINE!!!!
P.S. (1) DON WATCH HEY BABY IF U R A GUY.... ( will try n xplain y in my next post )
(2) STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN CUD BE VINCE Mc MAHON'S ILLEGITIMATE CHILD!!!
LOL!!!!!
so.. here goes the story ( which happens to be true! )....
MY FIRST "REAL" FAG......
i had fagged quite a few times b4 yday but had really never understood the aura that went arnd the ..so called .. "pleasure" that ppl derived out of it..... however.. NOW.. i do.. :)
i must thank two ppl for this... sneha and jai..
well.. sneha actually had nothin to do with this.. she jus happened to introduce me to this guy sellin momo's for 10 bucks which meant that i cud nw save upto 40 bucks by nt goin to momo plaza..
however..the culprit of the show happens to be jai who taught me what to do with the 40 that i save!!
jai n i happened to go out yday to a hell of a lot of places. he needed to buy a nice pair of shoes and we happened to be more miserable than gals.. cos we spent the entire afternoon searchin n ended up buyin none... (at least gals can buy a button in that time!! n i can testify!!!) neways.. we endd up doin a whole lot of walkin cos he did buy some pants for himself and finally we came to the momo guy and trust me... we were dead thirsty! we hogged on the momos and followed it up with two bottles each of chilled... really chilled thums up. it was AWESOME.. to say the least!!!! i guess all of u can relate to this.... u feel the chillness of the drink goin down ur throat wen u r really thirsty.. and if u don.. "go to hell"
if u r still on earth .. read along....
it all happened after the drink... ... ... both of us bought a classic for ourselves and he promised me that this wud be the best time to fag (after a satisfyin hog!). we sat outside elgin's metro, and with the cool breeze that we r so accustomed to from the metros, soothing us, i lit the cigarette. With my first puff (that went thru my mouth and part of t came out thru the nostrils.... the rest disappeared smwhere inside.. god.. i wished i was a biology guy so that i cud ve xplained that phenomenon better!!) it felt as if somebody jus took away the entire load of all the food and had releived me off all the strain that i had undergone the entire day walking.. and the wind from the metro, as it hit my face, refreshing as it was and takin away the tiny beads of sweat that had formed on my forehead, was like makin me fly without wings and feel that smbody was givin me a gentle mid-air massage. If u r a regular fagger.. i guess u wud accept and understand what i felt that time and would also forgive me for my miserable inability to put it in the right words.
jai.. the miserable fuck!!! he jus gave me a poisonous medicine...!
but i was ready to forgive him.. cos i felt like God.. nt 'cos i was ridin an avenger.. but 'cos i held a classic b/w ma fingers!
well.. after we finished our fags he bought a couple of chloromints for each of us...
I : isse kya hoga?
HE : badboo nahi marega be...
I : acha.. isse badboo ka prob solved??
HE : mooh se to nahi aayega badboo..
i was dead surprised and stunned at that!!! OKKAY!!! WR ELSE DOES T COME FROM THEN??
HE : (laughs) abbey nahi.. shirt se to aata hi hai.
for a second i felt they shud advertise.... buy a couple of chloromints and get a sachet of ariel.. free!
nevertheless... i popped the mints and was ready to go home.
To the faggin fraternity.. here i come......................
CHEERS TO NICOTINE!!!!
P.S. (1) DON WATCH HEY BABY IF U R A GUY.... ( will try n xplain y in my next post )
(2) STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN CUD BE VINCE Mc MAHON'S ILLEGITIMATE CHILD!!!
LOL!!!!!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
"HEY JO, I WROTE A SONG TODAY...ITS CALLED GET UP!"
DISCLAIMER(S):
1. The author does not, in any way, profit from the story and that all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).
2. Thou shalt not needlessly waste your time by reading further if thou has not the least idea about Chandler Bing a.k.a Matthew Perry… ( the vice-versa might no be true).
3. Don’t proceed any further if you have been advised by some nut to abstain from laughin’.
Well, now that it s just me n all those ppl who claim to know who chandler bing is and have the liberty of creatin a laugh riot, I will present to you some of the most hilarious comments ever made on planet earth…. These r not goin to be in any kinda order and they r gonna be my fav 15. M jus gonna put ‘em up the way I want to!! ( it’s MY blog!! :-) )
1) Ross: i got the gift of time!!!
Chandler: thats nice.. last christmas i got the gift of space.. why dont we join it together and make it a continuem!!
Oki… nw its upto u guys to imagine hw chandler makes up that face of his durin each dialogue delivery n does all that movement with his arms..
2) There s this episode where joey tries to sell the entertaimment center n gets locked n robbed
Joey: I was tryin’ to make a sale!! Oh, man, if I ever run into that guy again, do you know what I’m gonna do?
Chandler: BEND OVER?!!!
I jus feel sometimes if there ever has been a guy with a better sense of one liners…!!!??
3) This one s wen Ross has just slept with another woman after breaking up with Rachel. Chandler s obviously surprised at hw fast Ross s gotten over it!!
Chandler: You slept with another woman 3 hrs after breaking up with Rachel ?? Come on.. Bullets have left guns slower !!
4) Now its jus not humanly possible of u to NOT have seen this episode or this scene (at least!!).
Chandler n Joey are supposed to be takin care of Ross’s baby n they end up losin him in a bus. They go to human services department to find the baby….. There r two similar lookin babies. One wearin a dress havin clowns printed on it n the other one has ducks n they don know which one to take bk home. They decide to flip and hence assign smthn to heads n tails….
JOEY: Ducks is heads becoz ducks hav heads!!
CHANDLER: Kind of scary ass clowns came to ur birthday party??!!
5) Ever felt bad for Candler and also felt lik laughin a t the same time?? Here goes…
Chandler n Monica try makin’ love & chandler's thing doesn't work. He gets very upset abt it and goes to Joey's place…. looks at the fuseball table... And says.."...Sure, you guyz don't have any thing to worry about, you're made of WOOD..."
He also says this once after a similar kinda incident wen he s unable to perform in bed with Mon…
"In high school, I failed in biology, but tonight…… biology failed me"..
6) Once Rachel gets pissed that chandler saw her "boobies" by mistake while coming out of the shower and in reciprocation she wants to see his "pee pee".
Ross: You must show her your pee pee.
Rachel: Yes thats correct,you saw mine..i should see yours….tit for tat.
Chandler: I am not showing you my TAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
(That was a killer!!!)
(That was a killer!!!)
7) Oki…. Nw this 7th one s gonna need u to imagine hw he says things wen he s desperately frustrated at Joey’s wisdom (or rather.. The lack of it)..
Chandler: [To Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute!
Joey: But it hurt's my Joey's Apple.
Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man!!!
8) Take this for a one liner… right out of the blues!!!!
"U wanna do somethin diff ?? Then lets try loosing our virginities again, cos i think mine is growing back!!"
9) I have to admit there s no hierarchy in ths list…. Otherwise this one wud have been smwr right up there!!!!
Joey: lets name the chick's and duck's kid as CHUCK
Chandler: or DICK
10 & 11) This one again goes one to prove what he thinks of Joey…
During his marriage with monica…
The greek padre asks him "are you Chandler?"
And he asks back, "Are you Joey???????!!!!"
When Joey asks him if he looked 19..Chandler replies......Oh!! yes.....on a scale of 1 to 10....10 being the dumbest a person can look u r DEFINITELY 19
12 & 13) Chandler must have lived some time as the Greek God of sarcarsm or something!!! Have a look at these two…
Once when Phoebe and the Bing's were fighting over their guy who wud go to the charity ball with Rachel.....they happen to be bragging about their guy's qualities....
Phoebe: Have you seen your guy’s body?
Chandler: No, our guy is just a floating head!!!
Monica and Mike are playing pingpong and chandler keeps talkin away, which both of them ignore..
Chandler : “I wonder if i shud use my invisibility to fight crime or do evil .. ?”
14) Took me some time to get this.. Bu sent me rollin wen I did….!
When all of ’em r at central perk and Ross asks for a "cheque"…. Chandler says, “ why not a Yugoslav.…?? ”
15) Nw this one is the last but in no way the least!! It s wen Joey has this Australian room mate and is weaving a sweater wit her. Joey invites Chandler to join but he says "NO THANKS JOSEPHEEN!!” Chandler then goes over to Ross's place and finds him puttin on some make up and then he goes…….. "OH MY GOD, WHERE ARE ALL THE MEN? "
I was jus watchin silence of the lambs the other day wen I thot to myself…. Of course lambs must be scarier than ducks.. Else they’d ve called it silence of the ducks!!!!
I was jus watchin silence of the lambs the other day wen I thot to myself…. Of course lambs must be scarier than ducks.. Else they’d ve called it silence of the ducks!!!!
long live C.B .............
Thursday, August 9, 2007
DADA s back!!!.... but as 'DADU'
I was watchin the third n final test at the oval till 15 min bk on star and Saurav Ganguly was then battin on 30 odd. i was tempted to post this 'cos of an incident that happened then. Ganguly, i must admit, howmuchever i like him, is jus a shadow of what he used to be. it takes him ages to score his runs... as if the Chappel episode has made him ignorant of the fact that batsmen shud have some regard for their strike rates.
newaz... Ganguly was battin wid a strike rate of 37.75 and i guess it's high time we shud start callin him "DADU" n not "DADA"!!! He suddenly struck Anderson for a four thru point that was reminiscent of our dada of the past n i jus started to feel that there might be a turn around nw. next over he came down the pitch n whacked Monty for a huuuuugeeeeeee six over long on and that was Saurav Ganguly at his best!!! i was wondering hw can sm players be so neat and elegant in their strokeplay.... n then the commentator said, durin the replay, " What an astonishing and effoertless shot! I guess only Lara can play that shot better than Saurav in world cricket"... ... ... ... well, i jus got an update from cricinfo that Ganguly s out for 37. at least he managed to make a definite point durin his stay at the crease.. that.. Lara s a genius.
whoops!!! sorry if u were expectin smthin else frm this post.. :) good nyt.
may GOD bless ICL.....
Amen..
newaz... Ganguly was battin wid a strike rate of 37.75 and i guess it's high time we shud start callin him "DADU" n not "DADA"!!! He suddenly struck Anderson for a four thru point that was reminiscent of our dada of the past n i jus started to feel that there might be a turn around nw. next over he came down the pitch n whacked Monty for a huuuuugeeeeeee six over long on and that was Saurav Ganguly at his best!!! i was wondering hw can sm players be so neat and elegant in their strokeplay.... n then the commentator said, durin the replay, " What an astonishing and effoertless shot! I guess only Lara can play that shot better than Saurav in world cricket"... ... ... ... well, i jus got an update from cricinfo that Ganguly s out for 37. at least he managed to make a definite point durin his stay at the crease.. that.. Lara s a genius.
whoops!!! sorry if u were expectin smthin else frm this post.. :) good nyt.
may GOD bless ICL.....
Amen..
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Frenship's day ..... a build up to Valentine's??!!
Its 11:45 n so… technically speakin.. It still s frnship’s eve n m jus wonderin of tomorrow and all those optimistic eves who wish that some prince Adam comes, kisses their injured foot, heals it, ties a frienship band arnd that poor foot ..callin it “a new fashion statement that heals” and they get a chance to display the cherished attitude or arrogance by sayin.. “ frnship band??.. MY FOOT!!!”…. Or.. Or… maybe those eves who would wonder if some chocolatey handsome guy , who has a chuckle that resembles that of the Live-In Dino Morea, should approach them n decorate them with a “cute” lookin’ band….err.. Frenship’s band, and they again demonstrate an attitude by sayin smthin like.. “dude… xcuse me??…yukk!!!” Somebody plzzzz make this correction…“Attitude.. and NOT diamond is a gal’s best friend!!”
But STILL prince Adam n Dino would go after their lady like even if they r called dogs.. n wot not… no wonder they say.. “A dog s a man’s best friend!!”…no corrections required there.….. But at the end of the day, Dino, Adam n their respective lady lucks would be seen coochi-cooin arnd at citizen’s park the comin 14/02 with St. Valentine showering all kinda aromatic n exotic flowers on them frm heaven !!!... See… what all friendship’s day can do??!!! it's actually bcomin a build up to the valentine's day for many ppl..
And yeah, there r also the bunch of apparent studs who actually go arnd doin such crap such as tryin to impress random junta with gifts and flowers… y? cos it’s frenship’s day!! I wish they jus said.. “happy Monday/tue/my day/ SOME GOD DAMN DAY” and do it any day!! And like SRK ,tell each femme the same story that u r the only one whom m giftin this shit! Did somebody ever tell me that he s bisexual? … huh! So much 4 that!!
A guy gets to wish a gal on frenship’s day n take his first productive step toward “approachin” her.. N then go arnd wid her claimin all sorts of stuff b4 finally disappearin on the day they celebrate most guys’ death anniversaries that s so nicely called as rakhi!! That s wen the femme community officially gets to say F.O to those whom it feels r trespassing ‘not to be occupied’ territories and to maybe even the optimistic guy, who had by now bought valentine roses for her. Poor him! N they still say it’s a man’s world!!??? I guess we shud have a day wen guys get to say official F.O’s to gals by tyin smthin similar on their wrists n maybe we can call that as a RAKHA?? Or smthin like that! Lets see hw many girls fall sick that day n not go to skools or colleges or even to work! No wonder A.R.Rahaman s a successful bloke..
Well, all this was for the breed of ppl who see friendship’s day as a ladder to a successful valentine’s day the next year…J not a bad idea tho!!.. Of course there r ppl like De who r still alive and game for a good collction of frienship bands as well as rakhis…
Oki…It’s past twelve now n so we r technically into “THE” day…. N so.. First things first.. I will stop kiddin' arnd and tell ya folks that of course frndship's day is a day that we all look frwrd to, for not the bull sht that i was talkin abt all this time, but to thank all our frens who mean a tonne n even more and to wish them all for much better n brighter days to come.. and of course to tell them in a very subtle manner that they have brought abt quite a change in our lives with their frndship and love by jus sayin " happy frienship's day "....... so here goes.... i wish u happy friendship’s day and I wish the same to all u guys and girls who r close to me and mean so much to me…. I wish I cud be the “apparent stud” n go arnd givin flowers to all u gals!! Jeezz... n guys…. M not SRK!!
Well, I have a silent prayer for all u guys tho…!! Girls can stop reading here… If u r a girl i wish u happy friendhip’s day again... Have a gr8 day. May the Dino Morea‘s and Bradd Pitt‘s (and of course.. Abhishek too.. For all u ‘bit‘ten ppl) come to u.. Bbye….
Guys…
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“may the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up ur day and may their arms be too short to scratch…!!
Amen!!
n
Cheers!!
But STILL prince Adam n Dino would go after their lady like even if they r called dogs.. n wot not… no wonder they say.. “A dog s a man’s best friend!!”…no corrections required there.….. But at the end of the day, Dino, Adam n their respective lady lucks would be seen coochi-cooin arnd at citizen’s park the comin 14/02 with St. Valentine showering all kinda aromatic n exotic flowers on them frm heaven !!!... See… what all friendship’s day can do??!!! it's actually bcomin a build up to the valentine's day for many ppl..
And yeah, there r also the bunch of apparent studs who actually go arnd doin such crap such as tryin to impress random junta with gifts and flowers… y? cos it’s frenship’s day!! I wish they jus said.. “happy Monday/tue/my day/ SOME GOD DAMN DAY” and do it any day!! And like SRK ,tell each femme the same story that u r the only one whom m giftin this shit! Did somebody ever tell me that he s bisexual? … huh! So much 4 that!!
A guy gets to wish a gal on frenship’s day n take his first productive step toward “approachin” her.. N then go arnd wid her claimin all sorts of stuff b4 finally disappearin on the day they celebrate most guys’ death anniversaries that s so nicely called as rakhi!! That s wen the femme community officially gets to say F.O to those whom it feels r trespassing ‘not to be occupied’ territories and to maybe even the optimistic guy, who had by now bought valentine roses for her. Poor him! N they still say it’s a man’s world!!??? I guess we shud have a day wen guys get to say official F.O’s to gals by tyin smthin similar on their wrists n maybe we can call that as a RAKHA?? Or smthin like that! Lets see hw many girls fall sick that day n not go to skools or colleges or even to work! No wonder A.R.Rahaman s a successful bloke..
Well, all this was for the breed of ppl who see friendship’s day as a ladder to a successful valentine’s day the next year…J not a bad idea tho!!.. Of course there r ppl like De who r still alive and game for a good collction of frienship bands as well as rakhis…
Oki…It’s past twelve now n so we r technically into “THE” day…. N so.. First things first.. I will stop kiddin' arnd and tell ya folks that of course frndship's day is a day that we all look frwrd to, for not the bull sht that i was talkin abt all this time, but to thank all our frens who mean a tonne n even more and to wish them all for much better n brighter days to come.. and of course to tell them in a very subtle manner that they have brought abt quite a change in our lives with their frndship and love by jus sayin " happy frienship's day "....... so here goes.... i wish u happy friendship’s day and I wish the same to all u guys and girls who r close to me and mean so much to me…. I wish I cud be the “apparent stud” n go arnd givin flowers to all u gals!! Jeezz... n guys…. M not SRK!!
Well, I have a silent prayer for all u guys tho…!! Girls can stop reading here… If u r a girl i wish u happy friendhip’s day again... Have a gr8 day. May the Dino Morea‘s and Bradd Pitt‘s (and of course.. Abhishek too.. For all u ‘bit‘ten ppl) come to u.. Bbye….
Guys…
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“may the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up ur day and may their arms be too short to scratch…!!
Amen!!
n
Cheers!!
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
To all the fillies....
i guess incompetence in any aspect can be very depressing and demoralising to one's
esteem and dignity. and imagine how bad things can turn out to be if u realize such
things in a toilet!!oki folks... m not goin in the sense that u might have been tempted to think by the
previous line. it jus so happened that i was at this pub called 'thousand oaks',
wid ma friends....Pune was wet and ppl were gettin drenched everywhre. i was excited about the
prospect of meetin my old skool frnd after 6 long yrs and i also realized that time
can change ppl wen he said that " pune mein baat karne ke liye bhi peena padtha
hai.. come over to thousand oaks" .. i obliged n the plan was set.we met up and started talkin loads of things abt the past and the present with me
feelin ever claustrophobic in that 'ambience'. i was quick to correct myself.. it's
not time that changes ppl, it's booze! We were 6 of us and of course i couldn tell
them that i was a 'tam bram' or maybe "i don't.. at least anymore", and accepted to
have a mug of beer. Of course i had my eyes set on the plates of finger chips and
other delicacies that were being ordered parallely. The cold atmosphere and the
beer did what they r so good at doin and in due course of time i had to go to the
loo....i found my way to the restrms and as all of a sudden i felt like the villge guys
they show in movies, who come to the big cities and stare at unseen or unheard of
things, not knowing how to react or what to do. there were two toilet doors as in
most villages but what was written on them, caught me unawares. one had colts
written on it and the other had fillies on it!! i almost screamed, "for heavens
sake someone tell me where to go?". i waited there tryin to guess which door was
meant for guys. it was almost a minute as i stood staring at the doors wen a really
hot female came by, apparently for the same reasons as i. "Nature s SO NOT not
biased", i felt. to prevent myself from a potentialy embarassing situation, i
started itchin my eye as if some evil force was tryin to pull it out (m sorry to
all the smart guys readin this, but that s the best 'I' could muster at that point
to show that i had a valid reason to be standing outside the toilet doors!). Out of
courtesy, i guess, she asked me if i was fine, jus as i felt that she would end my
confusion by openin one of the doors. i wanted to do a "chance pe dance" and tell
her that i had somethin in my eye and expect her to blow it away.. at least out of
more courtesy. but u know what... sometimes u need serious balls to do things!! she
was too hot for me to even speak. but what i DID manage to see thru the eye, that
apparently did not itch, was the fact that even she was a newy to the place, and
was wonderin at which door to open. immediately i felt SO much better that i told
her that i was fine... now. she gave me the "which door?" look. i told her, with an
attitude that was cooler than the beer that i had jus consumed, and with a smile
that would make an ass bray, "'F' for females... so 'F' for fillies..." and
confidently opened the door that boldly read colts, jus horribly wishin that my
lucky stars were out and blessin me. As i went in, successful with my guess, i realized, that the fact that a colt s a
male horse, had crossed my mind wen i made that dumb statement and as i answered nature's call... a shiver went thru my body as the thought emerged
"what if it was 'C' for chicks.. and so 'C' for colts?"!!!! n then of course 'F'
would have stood for f****rs like me.
esteem and dignity. and imagine how bad things can turn out to be if u realize such
things in a toilet!!oki folks... m not goin in the sense that u might have been tempted to think by the
previous line. it jus so happened that i was at this pub called 'thousand oaks',
wid ma friends....Pune was wet and ppl were gettin drenched everywhre. i was excited about the
prospect of meetin my old skool frnd after 6 long yrs and i also realized that time
can change ppl wen he said that " pune mein baat karne ke liye bhi peena padtha
hai.. come over to thousand oaks" .. i obliged n the plan was set.we met up and started talkin loads of things abt the past and the present with me
feelin ever claustrophobic in that 'ambience'. i was quick to correct myself.. it's
not time that changes ppl, it's booze! We were 6 of us and of course i couldn tell
them that i was a 'tam bram' or maybe "i don't.. at least anymore", and accepted to
have a mug of beer. Of course i had my eyes set on the plates of finger chips and
other delicacies that were being ordered parallely. The cold atmosphere and the
beer did what they r so good at doin and in due course of time i had to go to the
loo....i found my way to the restrms and as all of a sudden i felt like the villge guys
they show in movies, who come to the big cities and stare at unseen or unheard of
things, not knowing how to react or what to do. there were two toilet doors as in
most villages but what was written on them, caught me unawares. one had colts
written on it and the other had fillies on it!! i almost screamed, "for heavens
sake someone tell me where to go?". i waited there tryin to guess which door was
meant for guys. it was almost a minute as i stood staring at the doors wen a really
hot female came by, apparently for the same reasons as i. "Nature s SO NOT not
biased", i felt. to prevent myself from a potentialy embarassing situation, i
started itchin my eye as if some evil force was tryin to pull it out (m sorry to
all the smart guys readin this, but that s the best 'I' could muster at that point
to show that i had a valid reason to be standing outside the toilet doors!). Out of
courtesy, i guess, she asked me if i was fine, jus as i felt that she would end my
confusion by openin one of the doors. i wanted to do a "chance pe dance" and tell
her that i had somethin in my eye and expect her to blow it away.. at least out of
more courtesy. but u know what... sometimes u need serious balls to do things!! she
was too hot for me to even speak. but what i DID manage to see thru the eye, that
apparently did not itch, was the fact that even she was a newy to the place, and
was wonderin at which door to open. immediately i felt SO much better that i told
her that i was fine... now. she gave me the "which door?" look. i told her, with an
attitude that was cooler than the beer that i had jus consumed, and with a smile
that would make an ass bray, "'F' for females... so 'F' for fillies..." and
confidently opened the door that boldly read colts, jus horribly wishin that my
lucky stars were out and blessin me. As i went in, successful with my guess, i realized, that the fact that a colt s a
male horse, had crossed my mind wen i made that dumb statement and as i answered nature's call... a shiver went thru my body as the thought emerged
"what if it was 'C' for chicks.. and so 'C' for colts?"!!!! n then of course 'F'
would have stood for f****rs like me.
Monday, July 23, 2007
HARRY.. WHO??
I saw my cousin sis read some flicked manuscript of the deathly hallows with such vehemence that I started wondering if there was any Hogwart graduate on the screen trying to mesmerize and pull her inside. She remained blissfully ignorant of whatever was happening around her till she finished reading the entire thing. There were moments when I was getting bored and wished I was Harry da puttar who could do some magic and pull her back!
I came back home a couple of weeks back and I happened to go and watch the order of phoenix last Monday. To the amazement of most of you folks… it was the first time I was seeing Daniel Radcliffe anywhere else other than paper. I have always wondered what was so great in the entire series of Rowling’s production that generated so much interest. And throughout the movie, I was still wondering, because the movie came very close to beating jhoom barabar jhoom at making me doze off.
My friend had given me a synopsis of the previous 4 editions that morning so that I would accept his invitation and give him company for the movie. I couldn’t believe the glare and excitement on the 23 yr old guy’s face when he said, “ U know what, avada kedavra ( or smthin of that sorts) when cast on a person, can kill!!”. And ,oh yes!! I saw him jump off his seats when the spell was cast on Sirius Black by the ‘Dark Lord’.... (apparently the bad guy should never be named??!!). I just waited for the interval to get my hands on a pack of Lays and then waited again till I could get back home… safe.
Past two days there has been a fervor, unimaginable, for the release of the deathly hallows. I just fail to understand the craze. But, neways everyone is always allowed his/her own share of stupidity and…. Skewed thinking.
I have been staring at the broom ever since….. Wishing that the train from Manchester to London, 17 years back, hadn’t been delayed by 4 God damn hours. And why on earth didn’t Rowling make it “The Boy Who NEVER Lived….”…………….. with due regards to all u Pottermaniacs.
Fascinating Desperation
The ball whizzed past the cover fieldsman as Makhaya Ntini looked in utter disbelief at what had just happened to the well pitched up delivery of his, outside off stump and a hint short of good length. The entire cricketing fraternity watching the match would have expected any batsman to have left the ball go through to the wicketkeeper and allow the bowler to derive the weird pleasure of giving the batsman a “did ya see that?” look. Herchelle Gibbs was standing at covers and had the best chance of stooping the thunder bolt, but he managed to just watch it fly, two yards away from him, in awe, and they said he was the best in the business of fielding within the 30 yards. A.B. De Villiers, at point, immediately tried to mimic the shot he had just seen, secretly imagining if he could do something similar to that, at least once, in the 15 odd years of cricketing that he still has in him. Greame Smith didn’t bother to go up to his bowler to utter words of encouragement because he himself looked in desperate need of some. Somebody fetched the ball from the fence and Shaun Pollock, the seasoned campaigner, immediately was working on it to try and maintain the sheen that the bowlers require. One thing was sure, the ball was 3 overs old and the sheen was fast disappearing with every impact that it was receiving. Jacques Kalis was at second slip and was wondering if this, otherwise dominant and famed bowling attack of his team, would be left with any dignity by the close of play. His figures read 12-2-65-1. Like Navjyot Sidhu says, “statistics are like mini skirts, they hide more than what they reveal“. In the initial 8 overs of those 12, Kallis had conceded just 23. By now he probably wished he fell unconscious on the ground out of dehydration and they carried him away, before his captain would ask him to bowl again. He hadn’t by any means received the respect normally expected by a cricketer who is rated as the world’s best all rounder. Pollock had just been murdered the previous over and it was obvious that the bowler would be changed the next over. Andre Nel was the first change and he wondered from deep third man if he should start complaining of a hamstring. In his initial spell he was his normal aggressive self and had compulsively taunted, stared and bounced the batsman who had , then, just looked away, and was now staring right down his throat. It was PAYBACK time! The scoreboard read 364-7 and the tail ender was batting in total comfort with the unconquered batsman who had come in at no.3 and was now batting on 174. Ashwell Prince had missed a chance to get rid of this menace when he was on 23 but then it was a chance that some lenient gurus of the sport would dismiss as being called a ‘chance’. Now the Prince Himself had a chance to build his repertoire of making big hundreds and he was doing it in his unique grandiose style that has been unmatched since the days of David Gower. He was the prince of the island nations of Trinidad and Tobago and probably even the Gods watched from the heavens when he came in to bat with the maroon jersey and helmet and held his magic wand in his hands that read LARA 400. With all that was going around with the decline of Caribbean cricket, he was God’s gift to the game and they call him Brian Charles Lara.
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